Thats What She Said

I'm supposed to be doing something else right now.

The Glogg Blogg: The (Slightly) Shocking List of Drinks I Drank Over Thanksgiving Weekend, And What That List Might Say About Me November 30, 2006

Filed under: *Booze,*i joined the what now? — thats what she said @ 4:16 pm

Recently I joined the Peace Corps.  I am very excited about this fact.  Next September–my unofficial departure date–has become of calming beacon of hope for me.   Whenever I am stressed, or bored, or irritated, all I have to do is remind myself that in about 9 months I will live GOD KNOWS WHERE and spend my time doing GOD KNOWS WHAT with GOD KNOWS WHO.  And for some asinine reason this cheers me up immeasurably. 

What does not cheer my up is the email I recently got from the Peace Corps essentially telling me that due to my ‘past legal issues regarding drugs and alcohol’ I now need to convince them that I am not a raging alcoholic mere steps away from a 6 day bender in Reno involving midgets and Britney Spears. 

The issue is this:  when I was EIGHTEEN and in COLLEGE, I had a beer at a party and walked home with a drunk guy who lived in my dorm (as opposed to walking home alone–Good Lord, I was actually making a SMART decision!).  He created a ruckus.  The cops arrived.  I was scared shitless and stupidly admitted to having a beer at a party.  (Honest to God people, I really did only have one and I really was stupid enough to admit it.)  MIP’s all around! 

But this happened nigh on 10 years ago!  (Ok, it was 8 years ago, but 10 makes it sound so much more distant…like, its possilbe I was wearing a hoop skirt and a bustle, kind of distant.)  The Peace Corps does not care.  I get to write a personal statement about the dangers of drugs and alcohol, specifically when taken in foreign countries where you don’t know your ass from a bread truck.  I get to answer questions like “Define alcohol abuse.” and “What is the longest amount of time you have demonstrated sober in the  last three years?  Provide dates.”  What?  I am a 26 year old single person living in an urban setting.  I do occasionally get drunk.  But I have NO IDEA how to provide dates for all the times when I am sober.  That is like saying “Please provide us with specific dates for all the times during the last 3 years when you were not at the grocery store.” 

So all that has been on my mind of late.  And I was just thinking of how I haven’t written yet about the Glogg that I drank on Thanksgiving Day, made by the lovely Miss Q, which meant that I also hadn’t tittled any posts “The Glogg Blogg”.  And that was a travesty of justice that had to be righted.  But all that thinking got me thinking about all the other lovely liquids of an alcoholic nature I consumed over those four wonderful days of gluttonous gluttony.  And then the Peace Corps Questionnaire of Insultingness seemed slightly less insulting.  Here is that list, in all it’s drunken glory:

  • glogg(our recipe included such wonders as; lemon! syrup! pineapple! spices! and wine! also, just as a side note–it is a mystery to me how i can be so enamored of the word ‘glogg’, and yet want to curl up my lip like a fat elvis sniffing a ham whenever i hear the word ‘blog’.  but that’s the way it is.  which words cause an ‘elvisification’ of your face?)
  • non “glogg” wine (this was the old stand-by for the weekend, the Number 2 pencil of booze if you will, and it treated us very well)
  • fish tail beer (yummy microbrew of goodness.  why do people live anywhere else?  the NW kicks so much ass.  plus we have lots of trees.)
  • Whiskey Toddy Mix of Goodness (there is no image for this, as it would be like looking upon the face of God.  but understand that it involved cider, glenfiddich, butter, spices, whipped cream AND graham cracker bits.)
  • Whiskey and heated apple cider (at some point the whiskey toddy mix of goodness became too much.  and so we commenced with the heating of the cider and the pouring of the whiskey in.  and then we would all thank god for the fermentation process, and the joy it has brought to our lives)

So that is my list.  The list of the booze that I drank on one of the booziest weekends of my adult life.  (Not that I had that many boozy weekends during my non-adult-life.  There was just that one weekend in Amsterdam back in ’87.)  I’m not denying that I drank a lot over my Holiday weekend.  But every night I ended up safe in bed.  I wasn’t drinking alone.  And none of the items on the list have names like ‘Old E’ or ‘Mad Dog’. 

So in spite of my days of indulgence which might seem to indicate a certain level of, shall we say, spirit, I would like to write a letter to the Peace Corps.  It would go like this:

Dear Peace Corps,

I am not a drunk.  Perhaps we could meet could meet over a beer an discuss my non drunkyness together.

 Sincerely,

Kim

 

Alfalfa Sprouts Look Remarkably Like Sperm November 29, 2006

Filed under: *Daily — thats what she said @ 2:07 pm

I’m just popping in to say that I haven’t given up on this whole “blog” thing after only a week and a half–although that would be pretty true to form as far as these things go for me.  But I thought I should at least come up with an excuse, as that is what you do when you are in a relationship and you aren’t pulling your weight.  So, here you go:

My excuse is that it is very cold outside.  Much like our fair city, I don’t seem to function very well when it is very cold outside.  It seems that the mere thought of roads too icy to drive on is enough to cancel out any other thoughts that might be valiantly fighting to enter my head.  I’m serious.  I have spent the last two days at work thinking about whether or not I would get to leave work early.  The chances of that happening were a solid 50% yesterday (and indeed, we all went home at about 3 PM) and something closer to 12% today.  Somehow the possibility of being sprung early from this all consuming pit of despair makes performing any sort of useful function in said pit nearly impossible.

Anyway, the point to all the rambling is this:  I’ve been spending so much time thinking about the possiblity of not working (and currently writing about thinking about the possibility of not working), that I haven’t really been working.  And because of that there is now a slight build-up of work type things on my desk.  Which I really should attend to…RIGHT NOW.

But before I could start, I had to say the thing about alfalfa sprouts, because I’ve been putting them on my sandwiches all week.  And every time I do I have the same thought:  This is the most action I’ve gotten in a while.

 

Kyle, is that you? What happend to your face? November 21, 2006

Filed under: *Daily — thats what she said @ 4:06 pm

We seem to be experiencing some weather.  In spite of our soggy reputation, Seattle rarely has much to speak of in the way of actual weather.  It’s wet.  It’s grey.  Often it’s wet and grey.  But today!  Today there was thunder, and lighting, and hail that looked sort of like a giant flock of tiny white birds as the wind pushed it around on the streets.  Non-flying birds.  Maybe my simile isn’t the best.  The point is, it was impressive, and not just because it gave me an excuse to get up from my desk and gaze out the window vacantly for five minutes.

In addition to the white bird-like hail, I also saw some snow this weekend.  (Oh man, 3 posts in and we’re already talking about the weather.  It’s like my blog was hijacked by a couple of technically advanced old ladies who just want to chat benignly and knit.  Actually, that doesn’t sound so bad.  They would probably have cookies.)  (Note:  I don’t know why this section is indented, nor do I have the necessary skills to fix it, as I am not a technically advanced lady, old or young.  People–I don’t even own a computer.  And don’t even get me started about spelling.  You will just have to bare with me.  Feel free to mock–just not to my face.  (See below.)) 

Anyway—snow.  I saw it.  This weekend.  What I didn’t see was this lake:

 

Lake Talapus 

 

Lovely, yes?  I wouldn’t know, as about 2 ½ miles into our 3 mile hike we stopped being able to see the ground so much.  And, as we weren’t equipped with sticks like everyone else coming down the hill, we were having a little trouble balancing. 

(Until we saw the snow, the three of us were actually having a grand time mocking the stick people.  “I mean honestly”, we would say, rolling our eyes with disdain, “what are you doing with those sticks!?  You’re just walking around, man.  You do it all day without sticks.  But ‘oohh, now we’re on a mountain so we suddenly need sticks’”.  Apparently they did need the sticks.  You learn something every day.  That day I learned that it’s best to mock people when they can’t hear you, because then you don’t have to apologize when you’re wrong. )    

In addition to being stickless, we were also wearing sneakers instead of shoes with any, say, traction.  So we acknowledged our defeat by doing what any self-respecting, outdoorsy, Northwestern ladies would do in this situation.  We went out for pie.   

Specifically we had pie at the famous diner from Twin Peaks.  Supposedly we were in for a ‘damn fine cup of coffee’.  Perhaps they were serving the actual coffee made back in ’92.  Or maybe I was just grumpy because being there reminded me of how poorly Kyle MacLachlan has aged.  Either way it turned out that what we were actually in for was an “overpriced and surreal David Lynch-if-he-got-bored-and-no-longer-cared sort of experience”.   

The pie was good though.

 

Beer At Work Makes (Almost) Everything Better; or, For The Love Of God, Someone Please Tell Me What Exactly What I Want To Do With My Life November 17, 2006

Filed under: *Daily — thats what she said @ 4:46 pm

It’s Friday, and the sheer relief I feel is almost indescribable.  I keep waiting for that day–the one where I have a sudden realization that–‘My God, I don’t mind my job.  I even like it a little bit.’  That day has not come.

But.  It’s Friday, and there is Beer.  And it’s not just any Friday–it’s the one before the week of Thanksgiving.  Which means next week is only three days long!  Three days that will be filled with drunken, crafty, gluttony.  These are the things I plan to do over my four day Holiday:

*Knit (Sweater number two–started last FEBRUARY, so, if everything goes according to schedule, I should be seen wearing it by 2008.  By which time I will not be able to look at the lovely purple color I so carefully choose without retching all over my hand-made sweater.)

*Drink wine.  This activity will accompany all other activities, but for the sake of you, gentle reader, I will only list it once.

*Eat.  Turkey!  Stuffing!  Pumpkin Pie! 

*Take momentary break from drinking wine to drink insanely good sounding apple cider/whiskey toddy drink.  Recipe found on the Food Network, otherwise know as Nirvana.

*Create Holiday cards for lucky friends and family.  I will most likely purchase a kit from http://www.subversivecrossstitch.com/, which will allow me to send my loved ones such colorful greetings as “Happy Fucking Holidays” and “Fuck the Halls”.  Charming, I know.

 Let the weekend begin.

 

The Holidays November 16, 2006

Filed under: *Daily — thats what she said @ 7:16 pm

I’m not quite sure how one goes about sharing ones life with the world.  So, these are the things that have been on my mind of late:

*The Holidays are coming.  I love The Holidays.  I love them enough to refer to them In Caps.  Its seems that I am alone in this love–except of course for the massive consumer driven market.  It loves The Holidays too. 

*Next time The Holidays happen, I won’t live in this country.  I will live in a country in Africa.  A country where they speak French.  I don’t speak French.  I do, however, enjoy french bread.  I’m not sure that will be applicable.

*Natalie Portman and Gael Garcia Bernal are dating, again.  I don’t know why this is on my mind.  It just is.  They are too attractive not to think about.

*My kitten bites my ankles when I walk around in the morning.  His name is Winston Churchill.  Perhaps I should have named him Joseph Stalin.     

*I was really relieved when they kicked off Jaeda instead of CariDee on America’s Next Top Model last night.  Like, maybe more relieved than is technically appropriate.