Thats What She Said

I'm supposed to be doing something else right now.

Billy Ding’s Not My Lover December 20, 2006

Filed under: *Daily — thats what she said @ 2:45 pm

The Nutcracker was great.  Adorable children, amazing dancing, incredible sets.  It was an evening of cultured entertainment, complete with hundreds of little girls in velveteen dresses, and about 17 little boys in uncomfortable shoes.   But who needs culture when you can laugh at children with unfortunate names! 

It all started when the Lovely Miss Q and I were passing the time before the show started by looking at the names on the program.  And we saw someone named Billy Ding.  Which was funny enough.  Billy Ding!  But then we realized that when little Billy grows up, he’s going to have to say to people all the time, “Hi, I’m Bill.  Bill Ding.”  Ha!  Bill Ding!  Building!  And we laughed.  Right there at the ballet, we laughed at some poor little boy who would minutes later dance around in tights for our entertainment.  Sometimes life is just really good, you know? 

And then!  There were 3-ish year old twins sitting in front of us.  I use the word ‘sitting’ lightly, as really they were wiggling in front of us, and doing laps in front of us, and turning around and around in front of us.  And shouting things like “He had to go to dinner!” when characters left the stage.  The Cute-o-Meter was maxing out.  The little girl twin, who looked exactly like Cindy Loo Who, turned around in her seat to ask me my name during intermission.  I told her, and asked what her name was.  And I swear to God she looked at me and said “Dick”.  Then she giggled.  And with a name like that, it’s a good thing she’s developing a sense of humor early.  

Maybe we should introcue her to little Billy!  I think Dick Ding has quite a nice ring to it.         

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Men In Tights December 19, 2006

Filed under: *Cheese; Or, Stuff That's Good,*Daily — thats what she said @ 4:46 pm

Tonight we are going to the ballet.  (Note:  Ballet must be pronounced ‘BAL-ay’, emphasis on the first syllable, for maximum pretension.  In addition to being fun, this dash of class will also serve to counteract the fact that we will be taking to the ballet the most AWESOME binoculars ever, purchased by the Lovely Miss Q at The Goodwill.  They have a FLASHLIGHT attached to them.  For 99 cents people.  We will be in the balcony, as that is the only place they allow people who bring childrens’ binoculars to sit.  Wave if you see us!)

It will be my inaugural viewing of The Nutcracker, complete with a set designed by Maurice Sendak, the dude that wrote Where the Wild Things Are.   I have read about The Nutcracker, but mostly in a series of books (that are now out of print, WTF?) called the Bad News Ballet.   I loved the hell out of these books.  I was that little girl who constantly begs her mom for ballet lessons.  Thanks to her I dodged that bullet.  I now realize that the reason they show little girls the pink tutus early on is to distract them from the fact that ballet is an activity where you are forced to wear uncomfortable shoes while NOT BEING ALLOWED TO EAT.  I’d rather vote republican.  I’m more than happy to purchase tickets and watch the fruits of other people’s labor though.  Hmm.    Does that make me a republican?  Oh well man.  Someone pass me a tax cut, mama needs a new dress to wear to the Ballet.

 

Why didn’t somebody tell me that they don’t have electricity in the African bush? December 14, 2006

Filed under: *Daily,*i joined the what now? — thats what she said @ 4:19 pm

Apparently Seattle is going to get hit with a massive wind storm tonight, the likes of which haven’t been seen around here since ’93.  And since I was 13 and living in Salem, OR back in ’93, those likes have never been seen by me.  Does that sentence make sense?  It did in my head, but it looks a little funny now that it’s in print.  But I’m going to leave it.  That’s how I roll.

Anyway–Storm Watch ’06 has commenced.  I guess the Puget Sound might be loosing power for 3 days or something, and it is this fact that has forced me to once again reconsider just what the fuck I am thinking with this whole joining of the Peace Corps deal.  My immediate reaction upon hearing about the no power thing was “Oh man, I’m going to be so bored!  And I’m supposed to get Disc 4, Season 2 of Lost tonight!  WTF!”

I’m not proud of it, but it’s the cold hard truth.  No thought of the hardships others might be forced to go through.  No thought of the danger people might be in.  Just intense concern for myself that I might have to wait an extra couple of days before gazing adoringly at Matthew Fox again, drunk on the beauty of this stubbly face.

And it gets worse.  You might think I would redeem myself with my second thought.  But no.  No.  My second thought was for the food in my fridge.  “My dear goat cheese, how will YOU weather this storm?  Will I be forced to eat you all in one sitting tonight, slathering you on everything that will hold still long enough (watch out Winston Churchill), rather that risk the chance of loosing you forever?  And you, sweet, sweet, hummus.  How will you bear the indignity of death by slow warming?  Fear not.  I will honor you with pita.  Be brave, my friends, be brave.”

At some point, maybe ten minutes into my pre-mourning session, it dawned on my that I have VOLUNTEERED to move to a place where there will most likely NEVER be electricity.  And then I thought, and I kid you not, “Wait a minute.  What the fuck am I going to DO over there?”  Sometimes I can’t believe they even let me in.  I mean, it’s not like I told them these things at the interview.  “I firmly believe in the grass roots philosophy behind this program, and can’t wait to be a force for positive change in the world.  Oh and by the way, I’m not willing to live anywhere that doesn’t have Tivo.  Can’t live without my stories!”  I know that I will be fine in whatever living conditions I end up being placed in.  But every once in a while, I find myself having thoughts like the ones I had today, and that’s when I realize I’d better…pardon me for saying so…check myself before I wreck myself.  

Because here’s the deal:  the gift of the Peace Corps (said the girl who doesn’t even leave for 9 more months and really has no idea what she is talking about) is that for two years you get to have your priorities straightened the fuck out.  It’s not like all I care about now are TV shows and fancy cheeses (although I would sell my own sister for a lifetime supply of provolone–but ONLY for a lifetime supply).  I think over all I have a pretty good grasp on what’s actually important in life.  But I can only assume that going to and AIDS ridden country in Africa, and living amongst a people suffering from something more than indecisiveness about where to eat dinner out, will have a way of canceling out the debate in my head over whether or not Sawyer is really attractive.  (Note:  at the moment, I say YES.)  For two years, I will get to go to bed every night feeling fulfilled.  Or, if not fulfilled, at least sure of the knowledge that I am DOING SOMETHING.  No matter how ineffective my attempts may be (and I’m assuming that my actual life there will be a huge reality check for my sweet little idealistic view of the world), I will at least know that I am trying.  Also, I might get to sleep under one of those mosquito net thingies, and I’ve always thought they were way cute.

And so I say, Seattle!  Bring on your ‘worst storm since ’93’!  It would probably be better if I did loose power.  Clearly, I’m going to need the practice, and I love any excuse to put cheese on my cat.  I’m pretty sure that’s not a euphemism for anything. 

 

Unbosoming December 13, 2006

Filed under: *Cheese; Or, Stuff That's Good,*Peas; Or, Stuff That's Bad — thats what she said @ 11:20 am

The ubiquitous list entry wherein I make it easy for you to judge me based solely on trivial matters:

Cheese; Or, Stuff That’s Good

  • using the thesaurus (see unbosoming
  • Jon Stewart
  • James Stewart
  • the way scottish people pronounce ‘stuart’
  • the way scottish people pronounce everything (as in ‘all things’, not just the word ‘everything’)
  • NPR
  • The Holidays
  • Winston Churchill (the man as well as the cat)
  • finding inscriptions written by strangers in used books 
  • the west wing
  • margaret atwood, jonathan safran foer, david james duncan
  • dolly parton

Peas; Or, Stuff That’s Bad

  • people who say ‘master-charge’
  • parking under pressure (pressure meaning the existence of any other moving vehicles within a 3 block radius)
  • people with ‘ironic’ mullets
  • passing on the right
  • south park (i know.  blah blah blah censorship blah.  i get it.  i even support it–i just don’t think its funny.  if it makes you feel any better though, i do quite enjoy the family guy.  but not aqua teen hunger force.)

Britney; Or, Stuff That’s Bad That I Like Anyway

  • Britney
  • america’s next top model
  • the judds
  • mcdonalds breakfast menu (people–i know.)
  • warren g’s video for regulate
  • movies starring mandy moore (for instance:  chasing liberty, a walk to remember, saved…i actually own crossroads, which doesn’t star mandy moore, but might as well.  feel free to stop reading now.)
  • ‘chinese’ food from mall food courts
 

Hail To Whatever You Have Found In The Sunlight December 12, 2006

Filed under: *sad bastard — thats what she said @ 10:49 am

Possibly this is the post where I reveal myself to be the sentimental schmuck that I truly am.  ‘Tis the season folks.

I will be saying good-bye soon, to one of my very best friends.  The fact that it’s really more of an ‘until we meet again’ matters very little.  It feels like good-bye.  With the farewell of any good friend comes that obligatory moment where you take stock of your life, and the people in it.  And hopefully, that is when you realize you are blessed.  I am blessed, and Lady, I will miss you.

But the point of this is not how much I will miss you (a lot), but how proud I am of you, and how excited I am for you.  It’s rare in life that people have the opportunity to actually make a grand gesture, to take a giant step towards their goals rather than simply muddling their way through to them.  It’s rarer still that people take that chance.  It takes balls to take a risk, especially the kind you are taking.  You have to be able to imagine a positive outcome, and that is what makes me proudest when I think about what you are doing, because I know that is hard for you.  But you found something great–something worth having–and by god, you’re going to attempt to have it.  I know afterwards you will come back to us, perhaps with a new life ahead of you and bold of purpose, or perhaps wounded and in need of comfort.  It’s a gamble, what you’re doing, and I have full confidence that whatever the outcome, the decision to attempt it is the right one.  I’m going to say it again: I’m so proud of you.

Before you go, I want to say thanks, for so many things:

Thanks for laughing at my jokes and exercising my optimism.  It’s lovely to have friends who make you think about the way in which you think.  Thank you for not being careful.  I have probably laughed more at your not-carefulness than most other things in life.  Laughed with you I mean.  I would never laugh at you.  At least not until you left the room.  Thank you for introducing me to the concept of ‘busted’.  Thanks for that time you thought you lost the car keys while we were camping.  Thank you for always being able to name obscure actors after only a cursory glance.  Thank you for pushing me to be more honest, with myself and the people I care abut.  Thank you for making me feel like you need me, because I know that I need you.

And so, go bravely my friend.  Jump into the oblivion with arms spread wide.  If he doesn’t catch you–know that we will.

Love,

Me

 

A Special Insight Into My Peace Corps Questionnaire Of Insultingness: December 8, 2006

Filed under: *Booze,*i joined the what now?,*postlets — thats what she said @ 2:40 pm

4.  What is illegal drug use?

Illegal drug use is the use of any drug that is illegal.   Booya.

 

My Mind Is Like A Vault That Only Holds Cheap Crap December 5, 2006

Filed under: *brain cloud,*postlets — thats what she said @ 3:51 pm

Does anyone remember the show Swans Crossing?  Because for some reason I do.  This show was on for a brief time WHEN I WAS 12.  Even then I had an eye for quality.

I can also still sing you word for word pretty much every song on this album.   I’m going to make you link to that one, as it’s not the kind of information that should be bandied about. 

In comparison, here is a list of some of the things I can’t remember: geometry, Italian, how to spell ANYTHING.