I would like to apologize for puking right outside the entry way to your restaurant. I may, perhaps, have overdone it a bit while cross-country skiing earlier that day. That mistake, coupled with a titch of car sickness, caused me to need to expel the contents of my stomach, and when such an expulsion is necessary, we all know beggars can’t be choosers when it comes to location. I would like to point out that I attempted to use your restroom like a civilized person, but that said restroom was being cleaned at the exact moment I needed it.
I want you to know that I felt pretty bad about what I had done. Until I walked back inside. One of your…I hesitate to say employees, because that would imply that said person preformed some sort of function necessary to the existence of your establishment, and that would certainly be an exaggeration of this persons actions. For the sake of clairity we will call this person a ‘server’, but we will use quotation marks every time to denote the sarcasm with which the label is intended.
As I was saying, while I was puking, our ‘server’ was dumping an entire glass of ice water on The Lovely Miss Q. And she reacted as she is wont to do in these situations—very kindly. She had pants to change into and we all understand that accidents happen. However Ken, isn’t it standard procedure to apologize when one, say, bumps into another person, or steps on their toe, OR DUMPS AN ENTIRE GLASS OF ICE WATER INTO THEIR LAP? I always thought so, but then I am a sucker for quaint traditions like manners.
But, TLMQ is not one to cry over spilled ice water. She changed pants, we all ordered, and tried to move on in our dining experience. Eventually the ‘server’ brought us all our meals. Except, she didn’t bring us all our meals. She brought everyone but TLMQ their meals. Huh. Now, I have never been a server, but I can appreciate that it is a demanding position, Ken. I am not entirely insensitive to her plight. But, if I were a server, and I happened to spill an entire glass of ice water into a patrons lap, well then that person’s sandwich? That is the sandwich that I would not forget. But forget she did. And she didn’t seem concerned with the matter. Didn’t even say anything when she set down the other three plates. Ken, I swear to god, she just WALKED AWAY. She finally came back minutes later to say that she had put the wrong order in and the sandwich would be out in a bit. No apology. Nothing.
We are reasonable diners. We do not expect servers to bow to us, or tell us jokes, or give us diamonds. No, really all we want is to have the food we order appear at our table in a reasonable time-frame, and to be informed of any delays in the process.
The sandwich did eventually arrive. The server walked up and sort of set it in the general area of TLMQ, and again just walked away. TLMQ was considerably less cordial to her at this point. I have to say, we all were. And the final insult Ken? Would you like to hear what that was? I will tell you.
We got the bill, and even though we though therewas a good chance that TLMQ’s sandwich would not be there, it was. But do you know what wasn’t there? My cup of coffee. And T-Bone’s french fries. SHE DIDN’T CHARGE US FOR TWO ITEMS! We got them for free. But TLMQ? She of the sodden lower half? She was invited to pay in full.
And so Ken, I’d just like to say how ‘sorry’ I am for puking outside your restaurant. And what a ‘wonderful’ experience it was so dine there. ‘We will be back again and again!’