I would like to tell you a story about my awesomeness. It is only 9:05 in the morning, but trust me, when you are as awesome as I am, that is plenty of time to have been awesome already, and to have done it in front of many people!
This morning, in a spectacular display of athleticism, I fell off my bike. Of course, I didn’t just quietly topple off my bike on a remote and empty neighborhood street. No, that type of falling is for amateurs, and I am way beyond that. I fell off my bike in the busiest intersection in Fremont (OK—pretty much the only intersection in Fremont, but that should only serve to reinforce how busy it was!) and beyond that I managed to fly from my comfortable seat atop T-Bone’s bike (Sorry T-Bone! The bike is fine! I promise! Much less wounded than my pride!) and land right at the feet of THREE CONSTRUCTION WORKERS, in a giant heap of legs and arms and dorkiness.
I’m pretty sure they were all just about to cat-call me right before the incident. Cursed fate!
I tore my pants. I skinned my knee. I bruised my shin. I stood up and said “Good morning!” very brightly, as if I’d just dropped by with some bagels and coffee. I’m not sure why—it seemed appropriate at the time. Like, whatever you do—DON’T let on that you’ve just flung yourself at them from a bike! Maybe they won’t notice! Shockingly enough that plan didn’t really work, and they all very kindly asked me if was OK. I said that I was “just fine!” And that “I think I’ll go home and get my car!” And then I said “GOOD MORNING!” again, perhaps with even more CHEER this time. Because I needed to stress to these people that this! This falling from the bike! This is nothing to me! NOTHING CAN KEEP ME FROM THE GOODNESS OF THIS MORNING!!
And then I walked my ass home. Where, after surveying the damage to my leg, and also my mostly empty medicine cabinet, I made the executive decision to affix several panty liners to my wound. I’m not sure why I even own panty liners, but boy was I grateful that I do! Did you know that they are just like gauze? Only with sticky stuff on one side? GENIUS! Somebody call the…place where all the doctors are! Somebody tell them about panty liners!
Also, they should make helmets for your legs.
And that is the story of my awesomeness.
*Do you know what this means? It means, “Apparently, I don’t do the bike”. Do you see how quickly I have picked up the French? It is like my mother tongue, after only 5 weeks! It’s like I AM French.