Thats What She Said

I'm supposed to be doing something else right now.

On the edge of knowing June 15, 2007

Filed under: *Cheese; Or, Stuff That's Good,*i joined the what now? — thats what she said @ 10:58 am

It’s a strange thing to actively count down the hours until your life will change. I’ve been trying to think of another example in my life where I’ve gone through something similar. And I can’t. I mean, I pretty much knew that I was going to get into the University of Oregon, and I certainly knew where it was. It was the same with my study abroad trip to Italy—once I heard that I had been accepted, they mystery was over.

But this! This is a fish of a different color! It is very strange to finally, after nearly a year, receive word that you have been accepted to a program that will radically change your life, but to still have to wait four more days to find out the details of those radical changes. But would you like to know a secret? As hard as this waiting is…I also kind of like it. In a weird way I’m sort of enjoying these last days of ignorance, and I really dig the idea that there will be a package waiting for me when I leave work today. (Oh PLEASE let there be a package waiting for me when I get home today. All this crap I’m spewing about ignorance and bliss and shit only applies if said ignorance ends TODAY.)

I’m sure the Peace Corps could change the process so that each volunteer is told on the phone both that they’ve been officially invited and specifically where they’ve been invited to. But there is just something so great about walking to your mail box and opening it up and pulling out a letter that will, without a doubt, affect the trajectory of your life. The physicality of it makes the moment so much better than if you were just hearing from a voice on the phone. One second you are living your life and the future is just out there, safely in the distance. And in the next, with one swift tear of paper…the path will be set. The future is no longer distant—it’s in your hands.

This is perhaps the most exciting thing I’ve ever done, and in spite of the toll its taking on my stomach lining I’m so glad to be able to relish it just a little bit. How often do you get to actively experience a day you know you will remember forever? And that will definitely have a surprise ending? The only thing I can think of that is comparable is the day I give birth, but since that requires, you know, “interactions” with a male, we’ll have to leave that experience on the back burner for a while.

So yeah. This is a big day for me. I know that someday having a family will trump all of this (or at least relegate it to a different category of greatness), but I have to say that right now, today, I am so happy and excited and fulfilled by the fact that I DID THIS. FOR ME. At this moment, standing of the edge of my new life, I am so thankful for the decision I made and so ready to take everything on and I just had to record that sentiment, so that later, when this is real and hard and even eventually over I will have proof that for at least a day it was the best experience of my life.


3 Responses to “On the edge of knowing”

  1. T-Bone Says:

    Wow. From one sentimentalist to another, that last sentence is AMAZING. Tears in my eyes right now, swear to god. Oh Kim! I am so excited for you, and so proud of you, it is just crazy!

  2. Dr. Jones Says:

    t-bone hit the proverbial nail on my head! i’m feeling a little moist myself! oh no, i mean in my eyes! kim, i think one of the best things about you is that you live in the moment. you appreciate and realize the novelty and greatness in just being. so many people live for the future or the past, never anticipating that the best experiences are right in front of them. you are really amazing and i am really proud of you :)

  3. Thanks Ladies.
    Although I feel compelled to admit that the package didn’t come until Saturday, and by then I was considerably less philosophical about the whole concept of patience.

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