In the last month or so, ever since I got The Big News, I have said once sentence more times than I’ve ever said anything other, with the possible exceptions of “More cheese, please” and “Of course we’d like another pitcher”.
And the thing is, I’m not writing to complain about that! I want to make that clear right away because I know that sometimes I can be little complain-ey—although only in completely charming and original ways. I love that I constantly get to say “I’m so excited!”
The reason that I constantly get to say it is that people are constantly asking me “Are you so excited?” And I say to them, “Yes! I’m so excited!” Co-workers ask me, new-found relatives ask me, Guilluame from my French class asked me. It’s all the time with the asking.
And every time I say “I’m so excited!” I really mean it. I really am so excited. I’ve never experience a sustained bout of sincerity for this long! I mean typically in life, no matter how exciting something is, at some point along the way someone will ask you if you are so excited and you will say “Yes, I’m so excited” and you will totally mean it—you really are excited. But whatever it is that you are talking about has lost some of its initial magic—too many mentionings (yes, I know this is not a real word) have made it seem sort of mundane or at least less shockingly awesome than it used to, and you know that you won’t be able to recreate that initial intense feeling until the moment that new thing actually starts. Too much anticipation of something can suck the joy right out of it.
But that hasn’t happened to me, and I don’t think that it will. Last night at the grocery store I ran into a friend of a friend who knows that I’ve joined the Peace Corps and she asked me where I’m going and I told her Camerooon and she said “Are you so excited?” And I said “Yes! I’m so excited!” Just like that. I was totally speaking in bold and I felt my eyes getting large and twinkly and I couldn’t keep from smiling as I said it. (Or at least this is what I imagine my face looks like in these moments—it’s possible it actually resembles more closely the face of person who’s just done a tremendous amount of cocaine.) I then realized that this happens every time I say the words. And that made me sublimely happy.
Of course, in my head what consistently follows the “I’m so excited!” bit is the “I’m so…scared…” bit because even now, approximately 12 years after I stopped watching the show, Saved By the Bell has sort of hunkered down in my subconscious, and I can’t even think the phrase “I’m so excited” without mentally flashing back to Jessie Spano in a horribly awkward leotard, freaking out in Zack Morris’ arms, “so scared!” because OMG! She’s hooked on caffeine pills. How else could an over-achieving, perfectionist high school student cope with the combined stresses of being a teenager, getting straight A’s, AND being part of the greatest girl band ever, Hot Sundae? Drugs. Over the counter drugs.
Something about the total and utter absurdity of Jessie Spano and her Bayside ‘Highs’ (hee) comforts me though. While nothing would please me more in life than being able to claim that I have nothing in common with Elizabeth Berkley, it’s true—I too am so excited! So scared…
I’m only going to bold that first part though.