6:30am: Get up
6:31am: Reconsider the whole gainful employment thing, as I can only assume it involves more of this whole ‘getting up’ thing.
7:00am: Wait for phone to ring. Try not to feel like a middle schooler the weekend before the first big dance.
7:15am: Realize today’s job interview must be with the only company in NY who doesn’t think the whole world operates on Eastern Standard Time.
7:16am: Rejoice in this fact.
7:17am: Stop rejoicing as the knowledge that I got up an hour and a half early just so I could drink half a cup of coffee and feel nervous for a while sets in.
7:18am: Go back to bed.
9:00am: Lets try this all again.
9:30am: But first! Let’s put the pot roast in the crock-pot!
9:43am: Receive critically important email from Mike. Am forced to turn down invite to hang out at hipster coffee shop. Regret this decision for the rest of the day and possibly my life.
10:00am: Answer the phone. Try not to sound breathy or weird.
10:17am: Realize the man interviewing me was also in the Peace Corps and therefore has a much better idea of the kind of ‘experience’ I had than most other people. Panic slightly. This man knows that when I say that I ‘designed and implemented a project to improve nutrition in a rural community’ that what I really mean is that I ‘sometimes went to meetings when it wasn’t raining and showed people terribly drawn pictures of food and made them tell me if they belonged in the ‘go’, ‘glow’ or ‘grow’ group’.
10:24am: Mention all the totally awesome ice-breakers I did all the time.
10:25am: Promptly forget every ice-breaker I’ve ever done.
11:00am: Hang up. I love them! I want to work for them! Hope that I have conveyed this to them without sounding breathy or weird.
11:15am: Poke pot roast.
12:00pm: Apply to two more jobs I’m not that interested in.
12:30pm: Time for lunch!
1:15pm: Discover that I can do Zumba at 1:30 on channel 88. It’s free! It’s now! The world is my freaking oyster.
1:32pm: Find myself standing in the living room in my yoga pants watching some obnoxious man yell to me how awesome Zumba is and explaining to me how the DVD can be Mine! All Mine! for just $19.95 + shipping and handling! It’s a sensation!!
1:35pm: Poke pot roast.
1:36pm: Put my iPhone in a ziplock bag.
1:37pm: Start my mother-effing run in the rain.
1:49pm: I am feeling the burn! Amy Whinehouse is amazing! If I could see anything through my rained on/fogged up glasses I would run in the rain all the time!
1:52pm: I am wet. The burn is slightly more burny. But Amy is still pretty good.
2:45pm: Back at the computer. Jobs. Jobs jobs jobs jobsjosbjosfjohbsljgos…..
3:20pm: Consider alcoholism as a way to combat boredom. I’m at home all day! It’s not like I would be driving!
3:46pm: Poke pot roast.
3:47pm: Wonder if I am somehow interrupting magical slow cooking process with my incessant poking.
3:47 and 30 secs(pm): Hey-O!
3:48pm: Vow to stop poking pot roast.
4:00pm: Back to the jobsjobsjobsjobs…
4:17pm: Blog! Hey!
5:00pm: Well, that’s another good day done!
5:02pm: Whatever. It’s actually only 4:20pm and I am now officially just predicting future laziness. But I think that I am doing it with a fair degree of accuracy.
5:06pm: Poke pot roast.