There’s No #%@& You In Team!

In the interest of my own personal sanity, and because this is my blog (Man I hate that word!  Ten points to anyone who can offer a non-gross sounding alternative.) I am going to lay out a few simple ground rules for working with me.  Not that I believe this will in any way improve my working life, but hell, I joined the Peace Corps.  Clearly I’m an idealist.

• When asking me to do something for you, please make sure to label every request as URGENT!  If I do not see that tiny red exclamation point at the top of the email, I often forget that I even need to read the thing, let alone respond to it in a timely manner.
• If you need me to complete a task for you, please do not attempt to bring me all the necessary information I will need to complete said task.  I love spending my time hunting down all the little details that you have such easy access to.  It really makes me feel important, you know?  Really INVOLVED. 
• When sending me messages, please repeat punctuation marks as many times as possible!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Really, without them I am lost.  Each day will find me staring at my computer, a bit of drool hanging from my lip, just pondering life’s great mysteries (Why is Jay Leno still on TV?????????  What crime did Ice Cube commit that forced him to take that role????????????) and nothing can stir from my reverie except excessive punctuation. 
• Please be sure to give me only the vaguest of instructions when you have a complicated task that needs to be completed.  I relish the challenge!  And make sure you don’t tell me about it until the very last minute!  Keep me on my toes!!!!!!!!!
• Please feel free to come to me with questions regarding office supplies, re-ordering marketing materials, etc.  Even though I was promoted from the receptionist position 18 months ago, I’m still happy to help!  If you like, you can just send all requests regarding these subject to me and I will forward them on the receptionist!  I love being the middle man! 
• If you think that I might have forgotten to do something, please don’t bother double checking before sending me an angry email.  This just wastes your valuable time, and I honestly have nothing better to do than to go back and re-send items!  It’s like I get to complete tasks twice, and that means twice the satisfaction!

I hope I don’t seem too demanding.  Remember, Xanax good communication is the key to success in any office environment!